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Abbott: How do you how do you like my lawn club for St. Lou?
Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!
Abbott: Well it should be.
Costello: Hey, Abbott
Abbott: What?
Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team.
Abbott: Why not?
Costello: So you the manager?
Abbott: I m the manager!
Costello: Well, you know, I d like to know some of the guys names on the team so when I meet em on the street or in the ballpark I ll be able to say, Hello, to those people.
Abbott: Why sure I ll introduce you to the boys. They give em funny names though, St. Lou.
Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names.
Abbott: Well, let s see, on the team we have uh Who s on first, What s on second, I Don t Know is on third
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys names?
Abbott: I sure do.
Costello: Then tell me the guys names.
Abbott: I say, Who s on first, What s on second, I Don t Know s on third and then you
Costello: You the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys names?
Abbott: I m telling you their names!
Costello: Well who s on first?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: What are you askin me for? I m askin you!
Abbott: I m not asking you, I m telling you.
Costello: You ain t tellin me nothin . I m askin you, who s on first?
Abbott: That s it!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: That s his name.
Costello: That s whose name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That s the man s name!
Costello: That s whose name?
Abbott: Yeah!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: What are you askin me for? I m askin you, who s on first?
Abbott: That s it.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: That s it.
Costello: What s the guy s name on first?
Abbott: No, What s on second.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second!
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: That s what I m askin you! Who s on first?
Abbott: Now wait a minute. Don t don t change the players.
Costello: I m not changin nobody! I asked you a simple question. What s the guys name on first base?
Abbott: What s the guy s name on second base.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second!
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: I don t know.
Abbott: He s on third. Now we re not talking about him.
Costello: Look, you got a first baseman?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Then tell me the fella s name playin first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin first.
Abbott: That s his name.
Costello: Wait What s the guy s name on first base?
Abbott: What is the guy s name on second base!
Costello: Who s playin second?
Abbott: Who s playin first.
Costello: I don t know.
Abbott: He s on third base.
Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don t you?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Does he give you a receipt?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: How does he sign the receipt?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that you give the money to.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That s how he signs it.
Costello: That s how who signs it?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: That s it.
Costello: That s who?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesn t he have to sign the receipt?
Abbott: He does!
Costello: Well how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That s how he signs it!
Costello: You! You You just don t give money to someone without having em sign the receipt!
Abbott: No! Who signs it.
Costello: What are you askin me for?
Abbott: Now calm down. I m not asking you, I am telling you. The
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. What s the guy s name that signs the receipt on first base?
Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt.
Costello: Who signs his own receipt?
Abbott: No, Who signs his.
Costello: I m askin you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper
Abbott: Yes, now wait
Costello: he puts his name on it.
Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it
Costello: How
Abbott: and what puts his name on it
Costello: How does the fella s name on first base look to you when he signs his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: To you.
Abbott: That s how it does.
Costello: How does it look to you?
[lyrics was taken from http://www.lyrics.my/artists/abbott-and-costello/lyrics/who-s-on-first] [ Who's On First? lyrics found on http://lyrics.my ]
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who! Look
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?
Abbott: Now that s how it looks. Who.
Costello: H How Who?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: I m askin you. What s the guy s name on first base you give the money to?
Abbott: Who! After all, the man s entitled to it
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yeah, sure.
Costello: All I m tryin to find out is what s the guy s name on first base
Abbott: What is on second base.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second.
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: I don t know.
Abbott: He s
Costello: Third base, I know.
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: You got a outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder s name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I d ask you.
Abbott: Well I just thought I d tell you.
Costello: The left fielder s name?
Abbott: Why!?Costello: Hmm Because!
Abbott: Oh, he s centerfield.
Costello: Oh
Abbott: Told you all these players got
Costello: All I m tryin to figure out is what s the guy s name in leftfield.
Abbott: Now, What s on second.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second.
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: I don t know
Both: Third base.
Costello: You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldn t be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: What s his name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don t want to tell me today?
Abbott: I m telling you.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!?Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who s pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not
Costello: I ll break your arm, you say who s on first! I want to know what s the pitcher s name?
Abbott: What s on second.
Costello: I don t know.
Both: Third base!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The catcher s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. You don t wanna tell me, today tomorrow do you?
Abbott: I m telling you.
Costello: So the catcher s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow s pitching.
Abbott: Now you ve got it!
Costello: Now I ve got it
Abbott: Hey!
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team!
Abbott: Well I can t help that.
Costello: All right. You know now, I m a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and and Tomorrow s pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, I m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; I m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that s the first thing you ve said right.
Costello: I don t even know what I m talkin about!
Abbott: Well that s That s all you have
Costello: That s all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now who s got it?
Abbott: Naturally. Now you ve got it.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody s gotta get the ball! Now who s got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No, no, no, no
Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball and Nat
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base.
Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No!
Costello: Naturally gets the ball and and
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That s what I m saying!?Abbott: You re not saying it
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don t!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That s what I m saying!
Abbott: No it isn t.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody s gotta get it.
Abbott: So Who gets it.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That s it.
Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Same as you!
Abbott: Now listen
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: All right.
Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don t Know. I Don t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play.
Abbott: Could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Why? I don t know! He s on third and I don t give a darn!
Abbott: What d you say?
Costello: I said, I don t give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that s our shortstop!
Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!
Abbott: Well it should be.
Costello: Hey, Abbott
Abbott: What?
Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team.
Abbott: Why not?
Costello: So you the manager?
Abbott: I m the manager!
Costello: Well, you know, I d like to know some of the guys names on the team so when I meet em on the street or in the ballpark I ll be able to say, Hello, to those people.
Abbott: Why sure I ll introduce you to the boys. They give em funny names though, St. Lou.
Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names.
Abbott: Well, let s see, on the team we have uh Who s on first, What s on second, I Don t Know is on third
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys names?
Abbott: I sure do.
Costello: Then tell me the guys names.
Abbott: I say, Who s on first, What s on second, I Don t Know s on third and then you
Costello: You the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys names?
Abbott: I m telling you their names!
Costello: Well who s on first?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: What are you askin me for? I m askin you!
Abbott: I m not asking you, I m telling you.
Costello: You ain t tellin me nothin . I m askin you, who s on first?
Abbott: That s it!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: That s his name.
Costello: That s whose name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That s the man s name!
Costello: That s whose name?
Abbott: Yeah!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: What are you askin me for? I m askin you, who s on first?
Abbott: That s it.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: That s it.
Costello: What s the guy s name on first?
Abbott: No, What s on second.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second!
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: That s what I m askin you! Who s on first?
Abbott: Now wait a minute. Don t don t change the players.
Costello: I m not changin nobody! I asked you a simple question. What s the guys name on first base?
Abbott: What s the guy s name on second base.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second!
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: I don t know.
Abbott: He s on third. Now we re not talking about him.
Costello: Look, you got a first baseman?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Then tell me the fella s name playin first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin first.
Abbott: That s his name.
Costello: Wait What s the guy s name on first base?
Abbott: What is the guy s name on second base!
Costello: Who s playin second?
Abbott: Who s playin first.
Costello: I don t know.
Abbott: He s on third base.
Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don t you?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Does he give you a receipt?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: How does he sign the receipt?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that you give the money to.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That s how he signs it.
Costello: That s how who signs it?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: That s it.
Costello: That s who?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesn t he have to sign the receipt?
Abbott: He does!
Costello: Well how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That s how he signs it!
Costello: You! You You just don t give money to someone without having em sign the receipt!
Abbott: No! Who signs it.
Costello: What are you askin me for?
Abbott: Now calm down. I m not asking you, I am telling you. The
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. What s the guy s name that signs the receipt on first base?
Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt.
Costello: Who signs his own receipt?
Abbott: No, Who signs his.
Costello: I m askin you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper
Abbott: Yes, now wait
Costello: he puts his name on it.
Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it
Costello: How
Abbott: and what puts his name on it
Costello: How does the fella s name on first base look to you when he signs his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: To you.
Abbott: That s how it does.
Costello: How does it look to you?
[lyrics was taken from http://www.lyrics.my/artists/abbott-and-costello/lyrics/who-s-on-first] [ Who's On First? lyrics found on http://lyrics.my ]
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who! Look
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?
Abbott: Now that s how it looks. Who.
Costello: H How Who?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: I m askin you. What s the guy s name on first base you give the money to?
Abbott: Who! After all, the man s entitled to it
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yeah, sure.
Costello: All I m tryin to find out is what s the guy s name on first base
Abbott: What is on second base.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second.
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: I don t know.
Abbott: He s
Costello: Third base, I know.
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: You got a outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder s name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I d ask you.
Abbott: Well I just thought I d tell you.
Costello: The left fielder s name?
Abbott: Why!?Costello: Hmm Because!
Abbott: Oh, he s centerfield.
Costello: Oh
Abbott: Told you all these players got
Costello: All I m tryin to figure out is what s the guy s name in leftfield.
Abbott: Now, What s on second.
Costello: I m not askin you who s on second.
Abbott: Who s on first.
Costello: I don t know
Both: Third base.
Costello: You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldn t be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: What s his name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don t want to tell me today?
Abbott: I m telling you.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!?Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who s pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not
Costello: I ll break your arm, you say who s on first! I want to know what s the pitcher s name?
Abbott: What s on second.
Costello: I don t know.
Both: Third base!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The catcher s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. You don t wanna tell me, today tomorrow do you?
Abbott: I m telling you.
Costello: So the catcher s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow s pitching.
Abbott: Now you ve got it!
Costello: Now I ve got it
Abbott: Hey!
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team!
Abbott: Well I can t help that.
Costello: All right. You know now, I m a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and and Tomorrow s pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, I m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; I m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that s the first thing you ve said right.
Costello: I don t even know what I m talkin about!
Abbott: Well that s That s all you have
Costello: That s all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now who s got it?
Abbott: Naturally. Now you ve got it.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody s gotta get the ball! Now who s got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No, no, no, no
Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball and Nat
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base.
Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No!
Costello: Naturally gets the ball and and
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That s what I m saying!?Abbott: You re not saying it
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don t!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That s what I m saying!
Abbott: No it isn t.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody s gotta get it.
Abbott: So Who gets it.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That s it.
Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Same as you!
Abbott: Now listen
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: All right.
Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don t Know. I Don t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play.
Abbott: Could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Why? I don t know! He s on third and I don t give a darn!
Abbott: What d you say?
Costello: I said, I don t give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that s our shortstop!